We all know it's hard to learn who you are and what you want.
Some of us just are so lost and maybe find comfort in pleasing people, or you find validation in doing it.
I am still trying each and every day to find my strength within myself. To do whats best for me, to let people go who do not need to be there nor really truly care if they are, to follow my heart, to achieve my dreams and my wants and do what truly make me happy. No doubt I have come a long way and for that I am proud of myself but it did not happen over night and it is not over and never will be. With each day and year I grow, I learn new things about myself, some things that I have known all along and just never listened to and some things that I never knew were there. I have made a lot of mistake in my life, and for that I want to apologize to myself...
I am sorry for all the times I doubted myself
I spent many nights crying myself to myself because I was upset about decisions I made both in the present and in the past. With every doubt, I obsessed over the negatives and drowned in my own sorrows and self pitty subconsciously knowing that in the end I would make it through each heartache. Every road block that life has thrown at me, I have in the end learned from it and tried to make myself better. From this moment on, I promise to believe in my strength, confidence and full potential when it comes to achieving my goals. Knowing my heart and knowing my worth.
I am sorry for hating you
Getting angry at myself for things that were at times out of my control and at times within it. At the end of the day I do love myself. I love my heart, I love my soul and I love the person that I am. I might sometimes be considered weak and soft because I overly care about other peoples feelings, and trying to always do the right thing and say the right thing. I hated myself for wanting to never give anyone the opportunity to say something bad about me because at the end of the day I was a nice person. Finally understanding that people are going to say what they want to say, For beating myself down because I compare myself to my peers who seem to have their lives figured out and are successful and still feeling like you are lost. For making me feel like I am a failure and I am not on the same stage as them. I know myself, and I don't hate you.
I am sorry for giving people the attention that they don't deserve
Providing attention and being overly sensitive to their feelings. Being a "people pleaser" and always wanting people to like me, and be the nice girl. Trying hard to have someone appreciate you that clearly doesn't and won't. The want for someone to see you for how great you think you are but they just don't and probably never will. Putting their needs above my own and making yourself feel like you were just a stepping stone in their life that was easily thrown on the ground. At the end of the day being invisible in their lives to only be left disappointed in the end. I am sorry for letting people take advantage and abuse my kindness and my heart while mistaking me for a weak person.
It is all okay now, I have come to terms with who I am, what I am, and the person I want to be. I appreciate myself and I appreciate my heart. I am kind, I am caring, I am strong, I am adventurous, and I am happy.
With life comes many ups and downs, if you let people walk all over you and spend time on people who do not see your worth and your value then you are wasting a precious gift. Life is all about growth, take the adventure and ride the wave. In the end be happy with who you are, what you have and enjoy the simple little things that make life great. I am far from perfect, I still have my struggles and they aren't going to stop... I'm still in my 20's I understand that. I will be my own support system and I will trust in my journey.
Always remember...
Somewhere, someone is happier with less than you have. One of the biggest mistakes is that I fail to remember is that where I am in life, this is not permanent.
Think only the best, look positively into the future. All those mistake that you have made will make you who you are. Pay attention to yourself and work on your own improvements. If you are lucky enough to find someone who appreciates the person that you are, just you as a person, hold on to them. Having someone see your soul and not your occupation, where you come from or mistakes you've made is a rare and something to be treasured. Having them know your flaws and admire them or want to be there for you is a beautiful thing.
As for yourself
You don't have to be perfect
You can make mistakes
You don't have to know what the rest of your future holds
It's enough to know where you are going tomorrow
Have a good one and Enjoy the wave Dee ❤ xo
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